Remembering ...

I often wonder what memories my kids will keep in their mental pockets and which ones will be long forgotten.

I think about the things I can remember from my childhood. Those memories make me so happy.

I can remember cooling off in a big spaghetti pot in my Grandparent's backyard during the heat of the summer because they didn't have a sprinkler or a pool. My Grandmother would make home made bubbles for me and while I played and splashed in the pot, we would both blow bubbles at each other. I can still smell the dish soap and even the water, for that matter. I used to think my Grandmother's hands were magic. She could stick them into the hottest water I have ever felt when she washed dishes. She told me her hands got used to it. Mine never did. OUCH! She always had beautiful nails and the softest skin. The sharp distant sound of a ball cracking a baseball bat on TV with a roar of a crowd still gives me warm goosebumps. I can still remember the feeling of laying in bed in the dark, hearing the low rumble of the window fan and hearing the Red Sox baseball game echo through the house.

There are so many memorable times with my other Grandparents too. In the morning, my Grandmother and I listened to Bob Steele on her little radio in the nook. In the afternoon, we watched old movies in her kitchen on a small black and white TV while she made her sauce or soup or some other special recipe for dinner. I tried to watch my Grandmother's every move in order to remember how she did things. Reheat macaroni in a pan on the stove, water from the tea kettle goes into the pan, wipe your hands on your apron when they get dirty. I remember trying to memorize it all. I used to stand behind her while she was at the sink and would straighten her shirt for her. She always told me that was such a big help. I remember the smell of my Grandparents basement, whether it was considered to be a good smell or not, I can still recognize the smell today and again, it's a comfort to me. The silence of golf makes me think of my Grandfather. That may not make any sense to you, but it does to me. Music was especially important in this house too. And a certain kind of music makes me feel like a little girl again dancing with my Grandfather. You must have reminders or triggers of memories too that would make no sense to others, but make you feel warm and comforted.

The first house I really remember living in... A warm summer day, I remember snapping the ends off of string beans with my Mother in our kitchen. A cold, winter, snowy day, I can still smell fresh wood burning in the neighborhood fireplaces. That smell still to this day reminds me of when I was little in that house. The sound of a chainsaw in the wintery distance cutting up wood. Again, when I hear this sound today, I think about winter and when I lived in that first house. Playing in the driveway on my bike, the sound a bouncing ball made on the sidewalk that went to the back of the house. I remember long walks through the woods in the back with my father and the sound of the leaves crunching under our feet. I remember the fun little noises my Mother used to make when we were in a hurry just to make it more fun for us. I loved the smell of my Mother's wool brown coat when she would pick me up after work. I loved to cuddle with both of my parents when they were together. That was one of my favorite things and they knew it. They would say "It's cuddle time!" And we would cuddle together on the couch at night.

I think of little sayings, stories and songs from my childhood and how much they mean to me now like "Snug as a bug in a rug" "I love you a bushel and a peck and a hug around the neck" "Soups on!" "You're full of cheese" Singing Christmas songs. Singing all of the words to the Annie soundtrack with my Mother and sister. Going to baseball games and to the movies with my family.

So when I think of these crazy memories of mine with odd details, I wonder what will spark my children's memories of me and B and their Grandparents. Will they remember the good times? The crazy times? The times they fell to the floor in a complete and utter melt down because I combed their hair or put a shirt on them with buttons?

Will they remember our rides home from preschool every day? Will they remember the talks we have had about stop lights, pot holes and what exactly UPS does? I hope they remember taking walks with me around the neighborhood on warm days, playing hide and seek behind the big trees in the back yard, our daily races around the house outside, doing the laundry together, our trips to Stew Leonards, making tents in the family room and all of our wild adventures.

I hope they remember all the times with their Grandparents like Wednesdays with Nana either at our house or hers, playing hide the seven dwarves, putting up seasonal stickers on the windows and special times in the back yard filling bird feeders and swinging on the hammock with Pepa. Beach weekends with Pepa P and E in Rhode Island and playing with the drums and spider at their house. And special times at the park, museums, hiding the apples in their living room, the trampoline and yearly hayride with Memee and Papa.

Fruit snacks, puzzles, painting together, coloring books, errands, grocery shopping, recycling, the car wash, Rita's, apple picking, playing the wii, picnics in the backyard, movie night, popcorn, cupcakes with rainbow frosting, playing in the sprinkler, riding bikes in the driveway, the way we kiss goodnight in a special way, songs we sing and stories we read. Moments I will never forget and I just wonder if they will remember them too. I hope they will. What will spark those memories; a smell, a feeling, a sound or a simple word or remark? I wonder.

Gifts

Gifts are wonderful treasures in our lives. Gifts are not always just brown paper packages tied up with string or red foiled boxes with a bright green bow on top. Gifts come to us in many different ways.

A gift could be a little bit of nature, ordinary nature, but for some reason, a ladybug might catch your eye, like one did for me today. Literally, it looked like she and I connected eye to eye. Hers, itsy-bitsy little eyes looking through what looked like sunglasses and mine; squinting to see in the strong rays of the sun amongst all of the other thousand ladybugs on my front porch. But that little moment was a gift to me and made my day a little brighter.

Or gifts can be little special moments brought to you by your children. Even when they don't mean to, they give you gifts. Ahhh, so many gifts. My kids give me many gifts every day. A kiss, a hug, a smile, a cute new facial expression. No matter what it is, each gift is shared in a special way.

I was looking for a challenge. A new challenge for these boys. A new book of games, math problems, puzzles. "Hmmmm.....What could we get at the library to give us a challenge today..." Half way though looking through aisles of books, toys and puzzles, Kyle said he had to go potty. The three of us went to find the bathroom and I changed Charlie's diaper while we were in there. During this busy bathroom event, I took notice that the kids were acting wrestless, hungry and tired. We walked out of the bathroom and I was now on a mission with a timeframe. It was then that a whiff of a new challenge that I hadn't even thought of, overcame me. A red-faced Charlie looked up at me. It was a diaper blow-out in the middle of the quiet library that only came right after I changed him with the last diaper in the bag. The car was parked blocks away and I could almost hear the squishy pants as we walked quickly through the silence. I guess I should be careful of what I state out loud as the goal for the day.

One morning, on my way to drop the kids off at preschool, I was thinking about how hungry I was and how I did not have time to grab myself something to eat before we left the house. I hear a cry, a whine from the backseat. Uh oh, I thought. "Something is wrong." Suddenly, something moves on the seat next to me. I look over and before I even get a chance to see what it is, something else moves, this time on my head. Another and another hit. Pit, pat, smoos, boomph...."What the heck?" I say out loud. I realize what it is at the same time I hear a little voice from the back say "I don't WANT french toast for breakfast, Mommy!" I think to myself in pure sarcasm "Awww, how thoughtful. He must have known I was hungry." I have to say, I did scrape it off the seat, my hair and the dash for reasons other than wanting a clean car. It satisfied my hunger and yummmm, if I do say so myself.

What is a gift, really? A gift is NOT when your four year old uses kid scissors to cut a piece of plastic wrap at the bottom of his ladybug cup only to catch your hand in the blades. Even though he gave me a nice gash in my hand, this was not a gift. The look on his face was priceless. A gift? No, I don't think that would qualify either. It looked like he felt mortified. Both hands on his cheeks, mouth wide open, eyes wide and scared. He kept repeating over and over: "Oh Mommy! I'm sooooo sorry. I'm soooo sorry, Mommy." A gift IS good manners and an honest feeling of guilt and caring that I must have instilled in him at some point thus far. I asked him if he would kiss it for me and he replied "I really don't want to kiss the bleeding Mommy, I am sorry."

A gift is definitely when I was carrying my sleeping Kyle up to his bed for nap. He suddenly popped his head up off my shoulder and looked at me and said "I love you" in a deep sigh and his head fell back down onto my shoulder.

I received a gift from Charlie today when he gave his Bullseye doll to me and said the doll needed a kiss. I was so touched just with the one statement. But he went on to say "Mommy, Bullseye loves you because you rub his back at nightime and sing songs." This was just so special as I am thinking (hoping) this is really how Charlie feels!

We all get gifts. Gifts for birthdays. Gifts for holidays. The best gifts are the ones we get to give to other people and the cool thing is, it does not have to be a material thing. I love how my kids make me feel, make me laugh and melt my heart. Those are the true gifts. They have so many talents that will develop over the years that will then benefit other people. Maybe they will use those gifts to be an actor, a CFO, a publisher, a Senator or a chef ... someday.

For now.... I'll keep my hands away from scissors and work harder on potty training!

Crazy Days

Crazy Days are sometimes my happiest days and sometimes my most overwhelming days. Sometimes I think other people looking into the window of my life and only seeing a couple of moments must think I am a lunatic. But I truly love my life and every day even when overwhelming or crazy. Some days take away my "me time" and some days give me the most wonderful gifts of new wonderment, new words, new ideas and so many smiles.

Aquarium. No stroller. Excited, semi-tired, semi-hungry boys in the dark with fish. The picture I paint should give you a good indication of how it might have gone. I called Charlie "Jelly Legs" quite a few times. Camera hanging from my shoulder, backpack hanging on my other side and Charlie in the middle of the aisle on the floor laughing; thinking it's a big joke that he is not getting up. I pick him up and take him over to a bench to sit. A tampon flies out of the backpack as I am trying to find him something to snack on. I take a seat to look and sit in a puddle of water. Once in the backpack, I noticed that a bottle of Benedryl had opened and spilled into the bag. I'm a flibertygibit, a nut. Charlie spots a turtle. He hollers out "A turtle! My friend, a turtle!" and tugs my hand to take him over to say hello.

A little later, we sit together eating raisins and watch a gigantic sea lion swim about his pool. Charlie looks at me and tells me "I really like this place." About 20 minutes later, flash forward to me carrying Charlie out of the aquarium store like I am carrying a log. He is kicking and crying and yelling out that he wanted that big book. My blood sugar is running seriously low and I'm very shaky. I speed past other aquarium visitors like a Mom on a mission; hoping they all understand...my child needs FOOD and SLEEP NOW. Of course, so do I at that point.

Charlie asks me: Mommy, can I have Princess Aurora in here with me, please? I say sure and go get her and Prince Philip as well. Charlie responds as he hands Prince Philip back to me "I didn't talk about him at all. Just Princess Aurora."

I am in the car with my family, I am in the passenger seat. The car is pretty quiet. Kyle is starting to fall asleep. Charlie is playing with a doll in his car seat. B and I are talking on and off. It's a nice ride. We're going to be in the car for a bit. My phone rings. It's my Father. I had been wanting to talk with him. It's like a switch, I answer and suddenly, Charlie needs me. As I talk with my Father, I hear "Mommy....Mommy.....Mommy...." getting louder and louder. B tries to help him, but the chanting continues louder and louder. Then it turns to more of a squeal and a growl of frustration. I strain to listen to the voice of my Dad telling me somethings that I really need to hear. I respond to him as I hold one finger in the ear not on the phone, increasing the volume of my voice as if he cannot hear me. We chat back and forth as the screaming gets louder and then.....beep beep beep, the calls goes dead.

Kyle and I are talking quietly before bed. "Mommy, remember this......how funny....remember that....remember how we....." We laugh together about those memories he just brought up. He then pauses and says "Oh! And Mommy!!! Ummmm....." "What?" I asked. "Ummm." He mutters again. "Ummmm.....nevermind. I kind of forgot what I was going to say. Let me think about it again and then tell you, ok?"

It's a quiet afternoon. The boys are napping. I rush around as I usually do each afternoon; making my lunch, cleaning the kitchen, emptying the school bags and lunch boxes, making lunches for the next day, doing laundry, folding, etc. I sit on the couch to eat my lunch and watch a little General Hospital. My bottom touching the couch must sound an alarm in the boys' rooms. I hear the toys starting to come alive in their rooms, the sound effects and little voice saying "Mommy, I'm awake now!"

"Mommy, when are my friends going to come to our house? When they do, are they going to use that little TV to get here? How will they know how to get here? I want them to come here to our house so we can play together and with you."

I like to think I'm strategic in how I plan or not plan my days. And then I think is that wrong of me to plan so "strategically?" I'm a Mother at home, not an executive! But multi-tasking is my forte and it can sometimes hurt more than help. I LOVE to play with my boys. So sometimes, I am not paying attention to the realistic tasks of life that need to be done. Like making dinner so it's ready in time for dinnertime. When I don't do this, I find I end up not eating at all or rushing around still making dinner while my family is eating and then I eat alone. So I try to play and make dinner and do laundry and make it all fun. Sometimes, as strategic as it can be planned, it falls apart in disaster and I end up having two very unhappy children wishing for pasta not chicken, Daddy, not Mommy, juice, not milk, a fork not a spoon and for some reason talking is not allowed.

Keeping my sanity is definitely top on my list of things to do every day. Some days are way easier than others. The cute little moments when my boys tell me they love me or say something as simple as "Bless You" when I sneeze and big hugs out of no where keep me normal, calm and sane.

So to those people in my life that I feel like I am not able to give 100% to during this time in my life, I am so sorry. I hope you understand as you take little peeks into my world through these blogs. I have accepted that I am unable to give 100% to any one thing or person in my life, except for my kids right now. (even then, I am not so sure I give them that much) They are my joy, my fun and my now. I want to enjoy them now while they are with me....before they marry off and have crazy days of their own.

Crazy days are normal for me now and may not be so crazy. I know I will miss them some day, so as crazy as they may be now, I will still try and enjoy every crazy second. And laugh, laugh laugh at those times....after they happen, of course!

Routine or Tradition?

Dictionary.com defines tradition as a continuing pattern of culture beliefs or practices. As I go through my every day life, I think a lot about traditions. I wonder whether they truly should be called traditions or more practices, habit or routine.

Traditions are so wonderful. They are almost like our imprints from the past. As long as we can document memories and events, they can become tradition. Something that we can repeat and rejoice in every time it happens. Whether it's a certain time of the year, time of day or week.

Some of the moments that I believe to be tradition are times like taking naps every day. Is that a tradition or a routine? Even though it's so ordinary and mundane, it's a special time that helps my boys grow and stay healthy. Sleep is so important and it makes all the times while they are awake more special because they are happier and well rested.

This past week, I took my little guys to the Big E. They loved going and seeing the animals and the clowns and parades and going on the rides. They enjoyed watching the little shows and eating popcorn and treats. I wished so much that B could have come with us. But this was a memory I wanted to become a tradition for them. Whether it was one or both of us, they can count on us taking them to the Big E every year.

I also took them on a hay ride to go apple picking. They loved it so much. They were excited and had so much fun picking and eating the apples. I wish for this to be a tradition each year now too.

This is the time to establish traditions. When kids are young and impressionable. They can sense love and happiness a mile a way. They remember things better now than when they get older. I still hold some of the most fondest memories in my heart from when I was a little little girl. I remember sitting in a room with my Grandmother while she ironed clothes. I was listening to The Wizard of Oz on a record player. I can still feel a cool breeze coming from the window. As my Grandmother pulled in clothes through the window from the clothes line, I sat and watched. I watched her reel in my Grandfather's shirts and tee shirts. I can still smell the heat from the iron. My Grandmother hums and sings to me along with the record player. I can hear her voice as clear as if she were sitting right here with me now as I type this.

I want my kids to remember moments like that. I love that we go to my Mother's house almost every week, we spend time at my Father's cottage as much as we can and spend time with my in laws as well. I love that they form so many memories with me and B as well as all of their Grandparents. I hope they can hold on to those memories for a lifetime and remember what traditions are all about. Family. Happy times. Making new memories every time, every moment, every year. Not just the holidays, but normal every day moments.

Visiting Santa Claus every year with the Sicottes (no matter where he ends up this year), putting pajamas under the pillow in the morning, cuddle time, movie night, game night, noses-noses, beach days and snow days.

I love how Kevin goes into Colin's room every morning just to be with him. Kevin will go in to his room and sit on his rocking chair and just wait for him to wake up. They can play together so nicely and quietly sometimes and sometimes not so much. After nap time, Colin will also go into Kevin's room and play in his room until Kevin wakes up. I hope they always hold these memories in their hearts and they are always close brothers as they are today.

My heart is filled with joy and love. Every day I live is a memory; good or bad. Traditions are what keep us going to keep our love alive even after we are gone. To carry on our family even after only spirits are with us. So excuse me now, while I go wake my children up; a normal routine that has become a tradition I hope they always remember.

Amazement at the Small Things in Life

Kyle just started riding a bike for the first time this summer. I could not get him to ride a two wheeler bike (with training wheels) for the longest time. He would get on the bike and give it one or two pushes and then give up saying it was just too hard for him. But yet, he would always ride the tricycles at school with his friends, no problem.

It was a very exciting time one day when I said I would take out my bike from the shed. (thinking maybe that would get him motivated if he saw me riding) We cleaned off my bike together and made it shine. Then we cleaned off his bike together and made it really shine and sparkle. Kyle was so very proud. I will never forget the look on his face and how he kept saying that was his bike. But he still was a little apprehensive to ride it. So I started to ride my bike around the driveway. Kyle looked almost amazed that his Mommy was riding a real bike. The wind was blowing through my hair and my legs had a weird feeling in them...hmmm, could it be exercise? :) I felt like a kid again, myself. Before I knew it, Kyle hopped on his bike, helmet and all and started to pedal away and off he went. He was riding around the driveway like a pro! My little guy was riding a bike.

A few days ago, my little one; Charlie saw Kyle on his bike. He started to take out the other bike

we have of the same size. I told Charlie that bike might be too big for him right now. But he didn't care.

He tried and tried to get it out anyway. So I helped him and we put on his helmet. And he looked up at me

with the biggest smile and then looked at the bike. I helped him on and he tried to push those pedals

with his little feet. He tried and tried. But he couldn't get it. And then just like Kyle did, he gave up.

I told him not to give up so easily. I encouraged him to keep trying and that I knew he could do it.

I helped him by pedaling his feet with my hands and pushing the bike along. He kept saying "I'm riding a bike,

Mommy. I'm riding a BIKE!" Then he stopped off at the little inlet of our driveway; a place the two of

them fondly call Stew Leonards when they are playing pretend. He jumped off the bike, asked me to take his

helmet off and quickly ran toward the garage in such a hurry. He stopped before he got to the garage.

He quickly whipped around and put his hands up in the air and shouted at the top of his lungs "Mommy!!!!

THAT WAS TOTALLY WICKED!!!!" and he went back to his mission of whatever urgent nature it was. (that line,

by the way, is from The Incredibles) But it was still just the best feeling to see how excited he was and that he

used that movie phrase in the right context. Very cool.

Today was the big movie day. We took them to see the double feature of Toy Story I and II. It was amazing for this

event to happen considering this is one of their favorite movies!!!! They were beyond excited to hear it was coming

to the movies!!!! While in the theater, I wanted to just keep watching their faces more than the movie. They know all

the words by heart and still belly laugh at all the same parts. When my husband took Kyle to the bathroom at intermission,

he told him he was having a great time. Charlie would lean over every once in a while and ask a question or tell me something

about the movie "Buzz is sad because he's not a space ranger." Kyle would shout out during the movie with so much

excitement. I would look at him and he would put his hand over his mouth with a smile, knowing he was supposed to be

quiet. We would just smile and he would say "sorry!" Who knew the movies could be sooooo special and magical! ha.

It's these magical moments that make me appreciate life and appreciate all that I have in my family.

I used to think that magic was just about being a kid, or finding my prince charming. But now I know it's about so many

other ordinary things in every day life. A first bike ride, a feeling of accomplishment, a favorite movie on the

big screen and sharing a smile. This is my life. And ya know what? I think it's just TOTALLY WICKED!!!! :)

Moments to Treasure

Reflection is always better... don't you think? You always hear people say "Someday, we're going to look back on this moment and laugh." And at the time, you think inside your head "Yeah, right. I cannot imagine ever laughing about this moment." Of course, it always seems so much worse when you're actually going through the event. But it works in reverse as well.

When you are experiencing pure joy and excitement, those memories are just as wonderful to reflect on. It's all about memories....memories that keep us going. The past helps us live for the future. Bad things happen to make us stronger. If we did not know hurt, we wouldn't know pleasure. All of these stinkin' cliches are really so true.

The funny looking-back memories.

The pharmacy. Needed to make a "quick stop" for a couple of essential purchases on the way home from picking up my boys from school. I should have said that sentence a few more times in my head before I went into the store. I would have laughed BEFORE the event even happened and I would have made my way home skipping the store all together at that moment. Two boys lacking naps, tired out from playing hard all morning practically literally pulled me in the store. As each boy tried to grab something off of the shelves, I knew my time was limited. I quickly picked out my items and made my way to the register to check out. Suddenly, for no apparent reason whatsoever, Charlie fell to the ground refusing to get up. Kyle wanted every piece of candy that was displayed in front of us. For some reason at that moment, it was like they heard the chime of a boxing bell. Kyle jumped on Charlie and they began to wrestle. It took everything I had to get them up off of the floor and to check myself out. Finally, with the clerk feeling bad for me, I was out pretty quick. But by this time, I was sweating and it seemed as if an HOUR had gone by! I practically dragged Kyle out with his sneakers skipping the floor while I carried a rapidly growing Charlie in my arms. I was mortified and swore I would never go back. Funny, right? ha.

The Drive to School. I was excited to drive the boys to school in the morning. I do not normally get to drive them. And of course, I was running late and it was tough getting them out the door. They wanted particular things with them that morning. I did not let them bring what seemed like every toy we had in the toy closet and stayed firm. So of course, they started off a little cranky. Not to mention, they love that their Daddy drives them to school regularly. So there we are driving happily...(finally)...down the highway and they realize that they have french toast in their bags for breakfast. (I have to admit, I snuck it in and knew I was taking a risk.) They do not normally have french toast for breakfast. And they sure let me know it on that drive. I drove to school that morning with both kids crying like I gave them a raccoon's tail for breakfast. Hysterical. A mess. It was a wild ride to school through rush hour traffic and attempts at calming them down without being able to reach back and snatch those breakfasts right out of their hands. It finally took a song about school pets saving a baby penguin to calm them down and put them in a better mood.

The Baked Potato Line. Everything was going well at the Big E with just me and my two boys. They went on rides, had lunch, saw some farm animals...and then I was ready for the State Buildings. I was starving for the Maine baked potato. The line was shorter than it has been in the past. But I knew it was still long for the boys to tolerate for too long. Kyle even commented on how long the line looked. Well, from there it not only went down hill, but we were flying down a black diamond at mock speed. Charlie was getting to his over tired breaking point and could not keep his hands off of Kyle. Fingers in his eye, grabbing his hat off his head and putting him in some sort of choke hold. Kyle quickly reciprocated that love and gave it right back to him. I tried to discipline. I tried to ignore it all together. I tried to just let them "play" it out. And I even physically took things away from them and stopped them from hitting each other. As you can imagine, nothing quite worked. And it seemed as though every person in that line was looking and getting annoyed. I really just wanted to crawl under a potato instead of eat one.

The actual funny, awesome moments.

The sky was pink and Kyle pointed out to me that the sunset was so pretty! And saw the moon and got so excited and wanted to show me.

Charlie shouted out "Are you kidding?" when Kyle got out of his bed and came into Charlie's room. (I had done that just the night before when Kyle did this)

In the potato line, I told Charlie to stop poking Kyle in the eye. Kyle was being very silly and shouted out sooooooooooo loud: "EYE? EYESSSS.... Charlie has beautiful eyes!"

Listening to them talk on a play phone: "Hi Madison. Can you come over and watch Madagascar with me and Charlie? I have to pick up a few things at the store. I have to go to Target."

Kyle is not happy that Charlie has one of his toys. He tells him "That's mine, Charlie." Charlie responds with "How do YOU know it is?" Kyle comes right back with "Because it is!" And Charlie says again "But HOW do you know?" Kyle says "Because you, Mommy and Daddy gave it to me for my birthday." Charlie simply comes back with "Oh. I know that."

I was telling Kyle not to play with a huge piece of paper as binoculars. I told him it might give him a nice big paper cut and it would really hurt. He said "Nice? It will be nice? Well, that doesn't sound bad. So I can still play with it?"

Moments in the early morning hours when Charlie or Kyle come in our room and tell either me or B that they love us. Or when they come in and just give us a hug and then run off to play. It's just a wonderful way to start the day!

Charlie leaned over to Kyle and gave him a kiss on his cheek. He put his arm around him and looked straight into his eyes and said "You are my brother, Kyle. You are my big brother."

It seemed as if every person walked by me and my boys at the Big E made a comment about how cute they were. They either said it directly to me or said it to each other as they walked by. Many people asked if they were twins and some even stopped to talk to them.

The Words They Say Mean So Much

Today is such a beautiful day. A beautiful weather day and even though I am so tired, a beautiful LIFE day. Today is one of those days that I feel gitty inside just thinking about my children. Don't get me wrong. It's not like I don't normally feel good just thinking about them. But there are just those moments that give you that little butterfly feeling, goosebumps and a smile that just will not go away!

Charlie started my day at about 12:30am telling me he was a little afraid. He put his arms around me and his head down on my chest. I took him back to his room and snuggled him back up in his blankets. He quickly went right off to sleep with a little smile on his face and his hands together under his cheek. He could do commercials or movies if he wasn't so disagreeable and defiant at times. But this was a special moment for me even in the wee hours. He looked like a little cherub asleep in his bed.

A few hours later, I heard “Mommy Mommy Mommy Mommy….” on the monitor. It was Kyle. He did not sound freaked or upset, but it was just a constant chant. In I went to his room and he told me he was scared of his closet. “It’s dark in there. I like it dark in my room, but it’s darker in the closet than it is in here and that scares me.” I told him it was just his clothes and toys in his closet and asked him if he wanted me to close it. He said “It doesn’t close easily. It will just open again." I closed it for him and he drifted back off to sleep.

About a half hour later, he was back in our room. I heard his footsteps as soon as he made it into our room and then it was quiet. I opened my eyes and saw him standing there just looking at me; like he was watching me sleep. I asked him what was wrong and he said “I just wanted to be with you. I love you, Mommy.” I had him hop into bed next to me and he snuggled close. He must know I am such a sucker for that sweet talk. A few minutes later, it still sounded like he was wrestless and could not fall back to sleep. I said “Kyle, please close your eyes.” While snuggled in his new Buzz Light Year pajamas, he said to me “Mom, I’m not Kyle. I’m Buzz Light Year. Can you please call me Buzz?” I said “Sure. Buzz, please close your eyes.” He said "Ok, Mommy." He certainly did because I could not wake him up easily only an hour and a half later.

So yah, I had a couple of little side thoughts at work. (though really, it was a very productive work day for me) But the best part of my day is when I get to leave work and go pick up my boys and I get to see them by 12:45pm every day. They both took naps and when they woke up, we watched a quick episode of Curious George. Charlie sat on the ottoman backwards with his Woody Doll and Kyle sat slightly hanging off of the couch. We had a fruit snack and a splash of milk and we were good to go.

I noticed words today.

Nevermind. Kyle says this a lot. How do they learn words like this. He uses it in the right context and with so much enthusiasm. "Hey Mommy!!" "Yes, Kyle?" "Oh! Nevermind! I was going to ask you for my breakfast. I didn't know it was already at the table! hahahaha." He gets a kick out of himself too and I love that. Charlie just started using "nevermind" today now too. I'm not sure he really used it the right way. But it was adorable when I heard it come out of his mouth.

Actually. This word has been used for a long time now. Kyle uses it in the right context every time and many times during the day. "Actually, I think we better go out the back door so we can play on the swings first. Is that a good idea?" And Charlie will respond "Yes, that is a good idea, Kyle. Isn't that a good idea, Mommy?" And again, Charlie is trying to find ways to use this cool word now too.

Sorry. This word I really love; as any good mother would. I love that my boys use this word. I love that they use it in the right context. I love it when it just rolls off their tongue. As Charlie quickly swung open the refrigerator door, he accidently hit me with it. He whipped out a quick "Ooops. Sorry Mommy. I didn't mean to open the door so fast."

And tonight, as I am doing so well so far in keeping a strict routine, I believe it might actually be getting easier to put Charlie to bed. More cuddle time, more time in the dark than light, more consequences for not listening, staying firm and a quiet, non entertainment bedroom. Charlie whispered to me "Mommy, stay with me for a little bit and then I'll go to sleep." I smiled and gave him a hug. Of course, I was waiting for him to say "Actually, nevermind" :)