Staying a Kid at Heart

When I was little, I always thought that nothing could beat being a kid. I loved playing with dolls, matchbox cars and my dog. I loved swimming, rollerskating, playing "kicker", riding my bike and going to the beach. Don't get me wrong, I had my bad times; fighting with my older sister, listening to my parents argue or moments of complete terror like the first day of school. But through all the bad stuff, I still loved being a kid. There was something so magical and fun about every day. I remember one of my teachers telling me one day "Never grow up, Patti. It's too much work."

And so I learned as I traveled along that growing-up-path just how much work it was. I had to get good grades, get in to college, get a job, drive a car, know my way around, make sure I was safe, not be too curious (but curious enough), I had my heart broken more times than I care to admit and I broke hearts of others. I made some mistakes, lost loved ones to a higher power than me, powered through hangovers, food poisoning, wisdom teeth, gum surgery and a miscarriage. What I really ended up learning was not that growing up is too much work, but that with each gut-wrenching moment of badness, something beautiful inside me grew even stronger. I became healthier, more confident, knowledgeable, experienced, stronger and wiser. So, yes a pessimist might say I grew paranoid and more scared of life. But I just call it being cautious.

I never knew. I never ever knew that there was something even better than being a kid; being a Mom. Seeing the look on my child's face when I found the exact Buzz blanket he wanted, that was priceless. When I saw him smile bigger than I thought his little cheeks could go and hug his new wii game, I actually got a bit emotional. Or when my youngest opened up the Seven Dwarves Cottage at his Grandparent's house on Christmas Day and nearly fell onto the floor with shock and disbelief that such a wonderful thing could actually be HIS. I giggled when I saw his little legs in the air as he lay on his tummy playing with the house for most of the next day.

Some moments make time stand still in my mind. I stand before my children simply as an observer and watch as little crumbs of life amaze and wow them. They see or feel something and they just say it or try to explain it outloud.

"Daddy, I really like your smile." Kyle said one day as we were about to sit down for dinner.

Phone conversations from Kyle in Connecticut while I was in Florida "Mommy, I am going to love you forever. I miss you so much."

Some of their senses are heightened too, like colors or smells; good ones AND bad ones: "What the heck is that SMELL?!?"

Their brains are always at work and they come up with some really cool ideas sometimes. One day, they planned a spur of the moment picnic in the middle of our living room instead of sitting at the table.

Though sometimes when they are just beat from a day of school and they don't want to practice their letters and words with me at home, I hear "Mommy, Let's have a snack and watch a movie!"

What they hear seems to be selective when I stand directly in front of them and tell them to put their coat on, it is as if I am yelling it from the next yard. I wonder if the hearing sense is something I should bring to a medical professional's attention. Then I realize just how selective it is when I am having a quiet conversation with a friend and mention Charlie's name and his favorite Jesse doll. Charlie quickly appeared from around the corner and asked "Me Mommy? Are you talking about ME? Are you talking about MY Jesse doll?"

Sometimes I wish I could be this honest and true with my feelings. They feel so much and I hope I can continue to reinforce their trueness. They are really the wise ones. Maybe they can teach me a few things. One day I will come into work and say to my boss: "I don't want to work today. Why don't we have a snack and watch a movie instead?" Or if I hear my name from outside of a closed door, just pop in and say "ME? Are you talking about ME?" Hmmmm....maybe not. But the thought of it, keeps me smiling and keeps me in tune with my own kids so I am still able to make days magical and fun, even though I went and grew up anyway.