Cherishing Some Words of Wisdom

"Just take it easy, let them play and let them have fun. They remember this time of their life. You don't think so, but as years go by,...like me....I think about what I did when I was a kid all the time; the things I did with my Mother and games and toys I played with. This is when you are making really good memories with your kids and they will look back on them some day. Just take care of yourself and your children. Don't over do it. When they get you mad, just sit down with them and take a minute to be with them. Quiet. Just remember, they are kids and they will act like it." - My Grandma (My Mommy's Mommy)

I have been overwhelmed with events lately. Not your every day, normal events like work dinners, PTO meetings and playdates, but more like crazy life events. Memorable milestone events that will go down in Mommy history.

I finished up my part time job as an HR Specialist on Friday. It was a pretty big deal for me since I have been in Human Resources for about 15 years and when I started this part time position, Kyle was only an infant - 18 weeks old, to be exact. I had made good friends while in this role and really did not think I was ready to move on. But as the decision was made for me and I realized that my interest level and patience with it all had diminished, I was accepting of new opportunities. But the fear of the unknown was hanging over my head. I started my new position at the same company on Monday. From the moment I stepped out of my car in a new town, I heard jazz music being played along the side of the building as I walked in. The welcoming voices of the excited team that I would now be working for greeted me and I immediately felt really happy. For the first time, I was actually enthusiastic about this new direction my life was taking.

In the midst of these changes, I was blessed with conversations with other women and men in the workforce with whom I felt connected to. Other Moms that had been through what I am going through now. I listened to their passion and drive about wanting to spend quality time with their children, wanting to still work and be fulfilled in a professional capacity, wanting to juggle it all in order to be there for their kids and being the best Mom they could be. The women were either in the middle of this Mommy dilemma or spoke of their days of young parenthood and the sacrifices they made in order to stay home with their children all while still maintaining their professional standing and reputation. It was so encouraging to hear other women speak of their paths, hard decisions and new doors that opened for them. I was enlightened and refreshed with these perspectives and I truly cherish those conversations more than they probably know. It really helped me to see that I am not alone and that what I truly desire more than anything really can be obtained. It was the power of these conversations that gave me even more strength to just be ME. And as I sit here quickly writing this now, I am thankful for the moments of quiet and the moments of crazy with my children because I AM with them because I stuck to my guns and kept after what is truly important...these precious times of their young lives.

Each little spec of wisdom is so important to gather. No matter where we get it from, we need to keep a virtual basket with us and put that wisdom in. The cool thing is that the specs grow and multiply and feed off of each other and they make us who we are. We can pull from that basket any time. I guess we should not be afraid to ever share our own wisdom with others. We may not think what we have to say is very powerful, but just by chance; someone else may have their heart open and ready to hear what you have to say. They may be standing there waiting with their basket, collecting, cherishing and remembering the words that you said.

Other recent events of mine include time outs, behavior charts, Lego-banning, potty talk, disrespectful words and just blatant misbehavior. Over any job I have ever had, I am most challenged in the role of Mom at this particular time of my life.... more than ever. My husband and I face our four-year-old head on every day and try our best to manage and stay in control of the situation. But I confess right here, right now.... it is so hard. I have been crawling into bed at 9:00pm each night absolutely exhausted, feeling like I have been run over by Thomas the Train. I feel like I have tried every tactic to get him to listen and to behave. Sometimes the tactics work, sometimes.... not so much. And sometimes, for absolute sure, this child is definitely THE cutest thing in sneakers. He can melt my heart with the drop of a hat. He can be so good and well-behaved and then suddenly like a flick of a switch.....goodbye cute and cuddly. So for those of you reading right now.... if anyone is out there with any advice for me at this trying time of '4 year old vs Mommy', I am here. I am desperate. I am hoping for answers. I am begging for wisdom. My basket is open. Thank you.

Cleansing

The other day, I was driving along the highway through the brown slushy mess that Mother Nature left behind. There was a truck in front of me that was kicking up all that muck into the air and right at my windshield. It was a dark, dreary day and I was driving to my Doctor's appointment to figure out why I have been having episodes of breathing problems. In that moment, I was feeling rushed, stressed and overwhelmed. As I drove, it started getting brighter and though it was still bitter cold and wet, the sun started to peek through the clouds. Don't get me wrong, it was not as if the clouds parted and the big beautiful, yellow sun shown down on me like a ray from God or anything. But a rainbow appeared right in front of my car; probably from the mist of the dirty slush that was spraying at me from the truck in front. The sun hit that muddy water just right and created a beautiful speck of rainbow for me to enjoy the whole rest of the way to my appointment. Some of the stress lifted for me. Through the filth, dirt and muddy snow, there was this wash of clean that shown through, making me see some beauty in all that mess; the mess on the road that day as well as in my own head.

I think I need to notice more rainbows in my days. I feel like there ARE rainbows to notice every day. But I just need to actually SEE them....notice them.....appreciate them.

The snow storms have been frequent this winter causing one school delay or cancellation after another. My children have been climbing the walls needing, wanting, demanding fresh air and a change of pace. We have worked together on more lessons of sharing, learning new games, perfecting old ones and creating beautiful works of art. There has been time to clean and organize rooms and old clothes. The boys and I also went through their older toys they do not play with anymore and picked which ones we should donate to other kids who might need them more. I felt ok cleaning out these toys and organizing. It helped me to have a clearer focus once it was done. The house was clean and organized and though it was hard on the boys to let go of some of their special toys, we all liked the new arrangement of a clean playroom and space for them to have new adventures. I think part of the process of cleaning anything in our life is a feeling of letting go of the old and being ok with moving forward.

And so, I found that I am more in tune with the process of cleansing and what it means to me, my house, my mind and my life and being able to move forward. My boys are just trying to be more focused on cleaning the table, cleaning up their Legos and the intricacies of brushing their teeth. How proud they are when they have completed the task. Smelling the Huuuuh, Huuuuh of freshly brushed minty fresh teeth, big grins to show off those clean pearly whites and the aromatic scents of cleanliness from the Sponge Bob pump soap to prove that hand washing actually did take place. This is what it means for them to cleanse, to let go of the dirt and plaque. Ahhh, to be a kid.

Last week, our house started to leak because of the heavy snow on our roof. It has been a scary, out of control feeling for both my husband and I. Water spots appearing in different areas of the ceilings and walls. Streams of water seeping through our windows and doors. Buckets propped up and old panty hose filled with rock salt hanging from our roof. (our neighbors thought we were losing our minds -- until they realized what exactly we were doing with those "socks.") My clean and newly organized office/playroom would now be a storage area for all of the items I had to remove from our attic. I was forced to go through all of the baby toys and clothes I was holding onto for sentimental reasons. I suppose I did not think I would be going through all of these items so soon after my children had just finished using them. I was going through the motions of removing each card board box and transferring toys into big plastic bins to protect them from water damage. I was on autopilot and finally stopped to catch my breath. I looked around the disorganized mess in my office and as my eyes crossed over each section, I realized how fast time had gone by already. The baby swing, the booster seat, the little giraffe that Kyle played with non stop when he was a toddler. It was all now just in a big messy pile in the middle of my office. At that instant, my heart had just caught up with my brain and I fell apart. Nearly falling to the floor in exhaustion and emotion, my husband caught me in his arms and held me so tight. Through the tears, as my laughing children ran up and down the hallway, I explained to my husband my Mommy-misery in that moment. As I think back now, I realize it was a cleansing moment for me. A moment of timing and realization. It was my muddy rainbow for the day and I was able to have special cuddle time with my boys a few minutes later.

Now, even though our house looks like a storage facility, couches, chairs and the TV are moved in odd places so as to not catch any water, pictures have been taken down off the walls and more buckets are on the ready, I am being cleansed by throwing things away. The non essentials are really becoming more and more clear to me. We all have our ways of cleansing or helping ourselves feel OK with the world and surging forward. Charlie holds tight to his stuffed hippo; "Baby Luke" and stuffed puppy; "Baby Leah" in his times of need. Kyle loves his soft feety pajamas and two pillows propped up just right at bedtime. I now find myself trying to let go of hard expectations of myself, find time for my outlets like writing, creating new friendships and cherishing old ones and of course, throwing away clutter; the real stuff and emotional junk. The sound of my boys laughing is THE most immediate way to cleanse my soul for sure.

So, we live in this healthy moment, clean of bad thoughts and negative energy. We are staying as dry and warm as we can. We laugh. We play. We try to breathe (though difficult at times). And we are here now with each other clearing away the daily dirt and plaque in our lives, letting go of the old and being ok with moving forward in search of our daily muddy rainbow.