Crazy Days

Crazy Days are sometimes my happiest days and sometimes my most overwhelming days. Sometimes I think other people looking into the window of my life and only seeing a couple of moments must think I am a lunatic. But I truly love my life and every day even when overwhelming or crazy. Some days take away my "me time" and some days give me the most wonderful gifts of new wonderment, new words, new ideas and so many smiles.

Aquarium. No stroller. Excited, semi-tired, semi-hungry boys in the dark with fish. The picture I paint should give you a good indication of how it might have gone. I called Charlie "Jelly Legs" quite a few times. Camera hanging from my shoulder, backpack hanging on my other side and Charlie in the middle of the aisle on the floor laughing; thinking it's a big joke that he is not getting up. I pick him up and take him over to a bench to sit. A tampon flies out of the backpack as I am trying to find him something to snack on. I take a seat to look and sit in a puddle of water. Once in the backpack, I noticed that a bottle of Benedryl had opened and spilled into the bag. I'm a flibertygibit, a nut. Charlie spots a turtle. He hollers out "A turtle! My friend, a turtle!" and tugs my hand to take him over to say hello.

A little later, we sit together eating raisins and watch a gigantic sea lion swim about his pool. Charlie looks at me and tells me "I really like this place." About 20 minutes later, flash forward to me carrying Charlie out of the aquarium store like I am carrying a log. He is kicking and crying and yelling out that he wanted that big book. My blood sugar is running seriously low and I'm very shaky. I speed past other aquarium visitors like a Mom on a mission; hoping they all understand...my child needs FOOD and SLEEP NOW. Of course, so do I at that point.

Charlie asks me: Mommy, can I have Princess Aurora in here with me, please? I say sure and go get her and Prince Philip as well. Charlie responds as he hands Prince Philip back to me "I didn't talk about him at all. Just Princess Aurora."

I am in the car with my family, I am in the passenger seat. The car is pretty quiet. Kyle is starting to fall asleep. Charlie is playing with a doll in his car seat. B and I are talking on and off. It's a nice ride. We're going to be in the car for a bit. My phone rings. It's my Father. I had been wanting to talk with him. It's like a switch, I answer and suddenly, Charlie needs me. As I talk with my Father, I hear "Mommy....Mommy.....Mommy...." getting louder and louder. B tries to help him, but the chanting continues louder and louder. Then it turns to more of a squeal and a growl of frustration. I strain to listen to the voice of my Dad telling me somethings that I really need to hear. I respond to him as I hold one finger in the ear not on the phone, increasing the volume of my voice as if he cannot hear me. We chat back and forth as the screaming gets louder and then.....beep beep beep, the calls goes dead.

Kyle and I are talking quietly before bed. "Mommy, remember this......how funny....remember that....remember how we....." We laugh together about those memories he just brought up. He then pauses and says "Oh! And Mommy!!! Ummmm....." "What?" I asked. "Ummm." He mutters again. "Ummmm.....nevermind. I kind of forgot what I was going to say. Let me think about it again and then tell you, ok?"

It's a quiet afternoon. The boys are napping. I rush around as I usually do each afternoon; making my lunch, cleaning the kitchen, emptying the school bags and lunch boxes, making lunches for the next day, doing laundry, folding, etc. I sit on the couch to eat my lunch and watch a little General Hospital. My bottom touching the couch must sound an alarm in the boys' rooms. I hear the toys starting to come alive in their rooms, the sound effects and little voice saying "Mommy, I'm awake now!"

"Mommy, when are my friends going to come to our house? When they do, are they going to use that little TV to get here? How will they know how to get here? I want them to come here to our house so we can play together and with you."

I like to think I'm strategic in how I plan or not plan my days. And then I think is that wrong of me to plan so "strategically?" I'm a Mother at home, not an executive! But multi-tasking is my forte and it can sometimes hurt more than help. I LOVE to play with my boys. So sometimes, I am not paying attention to the realistic tasks of life that need to be done. Like making dinner so it's ready in time for dinnertime. When I don't do this, I find I end up not eating at all or rushing around still making dinner while my family is eating and then I eat alone. So I try to play and make dinner and do laundry and make it all fun. Sometimes, as strategic as it can be planned, it falls apart in disaster and I end up having two very unhappy children wishing for pasta not chicken, Daddy, not Mommy, juice, not milk, a fork not a spoon and for some reason talking is not allowed.

Keeping my sanity is definitely top on my list of things to do every day. Some days are way easier than others. The cute little moments when my boys tell me they love me or say something as simple as "Bless You" when I sneeze and big hugs out of no where keep me normal, calm and sane.

So to those people in my life that I feel like I am not able to give 100% to during this time in my life, I am so sorry. I hope you understand as you take little peeks into my world through these blogs. I have accepted that I am unable to give 100% to any one thing or person in my life, except for my kids right now. (even then, I am not so sure I give them that much) They are my joy, my fun and my now. I want to enjoy them now while they are with me....before they marry off and have crazy days of their own.

Crazy days are normal for me now and may not be so crazy. I know I will miss them some day, so as crazy as they may be now, I will still try and enjoy every crazy second. And laugh, laugh laugh at those times....after they happen, of course!