The smell of apple pie baking in the oven. Just saying that gives me such a warm and nostalgic feeling inside. It reminds me of warm and happy times with my family, of being home and happy. There are smells, thoughts, songs, feelings and dreams that bring me back to specific times in my life. Whether these were good times or bad, I am immediately transported back just by a simple second of time crossing my path again.
I wonder what will bring me back to this time of my life someday in my future. I wonder; will it be a favorite song I play a lot right now? Will it be the taste of a mudslide martini? Will it be the Cantina song from Star Wars? Will it be the chilly rain misting on the tip of my nose in the crisp fall air? I wonder.
The future holds many positive times for me, I am sure. Many things can catapult me into the next phase of my life. In life, we go from one step of life to another in an instant and sometimes without us even knowing it is happening. Transitions and times of change can be so hard. I am currently going through a time of change and uncertainty in my life right now. I thought I would have more control over this type of change and I found myself completely opposite of that; out of control. I find myself leaning on what I know, what is familiar to me, what makes me feel good. I look for extra cuddles from my boys, winks and smiles from my husband, old songs, family traditions and good friends and family. These are what can get me through this weird time. I am needy. I am vulnerable. I am weak. I feel like I am going through a recovery period and going through the motions of being ecstatic, elated, shock, denial, bitterness, anger then finally acceptance and motivation and energy to surge forward. A good friend of mine really laid it on the line for me last week and helped me up off the floor; figuratively speaking. I was at my lowest point and she was there to be tough, loving and supportive. I was able to get up and stand up for myself. It was amazing what that did for me. I immediately felt better about myself and my situation. And though I am still stressed and unsure about my future, I feel more confident in myself and motivated to go after a dream or two.
I am dedicated to my children and teaching them about love, eating healthy, staying safe and now just how important it is to be confident in themselves. It's the memories that we make for ourselves as we go along our merry way that make us who we are. I feel so lucky to have to two young boys that I can help shape into polite and strong gentlemen. I feel so lucky to have two young boys that can help me get through my own tough times. I know there will be so many little things that will bring me back to this time in my life. Hearing the sound of their laugh, the smell of their fresh clean hair, the warmth of their hug and yes, probably the cantina song. But I know, I will remember this specific time in my life as a catalyst of change. I will know how important this was for all of us; me, my family and my friends. I am sure I will find my way and start to feel like a good Mom, wife and friend again. With a little encouragement, confidence or a genie in a bottle, I am sure it will all work out.
Thank you all for being so patient with me and supporting me. Thank you, truly. Now I am off to have a slice of my own fresh apple crumble/pie. :)
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